I was in a bit of a pretty major funk last night. I had just reached that point where it’s all just too much. The shots. The appointments. The bed rest. My funk was so deep that I was getting irritated because Tiny wanted to show off the latest gymnastic moves and that was preventing me from slipping into a coma-like sleep. Rob went and got some Taco Bell, which I had been craving to try and pull me out of it. It just wasn’t happening. So I went to bed and tried to sleep it off. (The food seemed to have lulled Tiny into a food coma. lol)
I dreamt of my Granny last night. She died on May 11, 2002. That’s the day that I changed forever. But that’s another post. I used to dream of her often after she died. As the years have passed I haven’t had as my visits from her. This may sound crazy, or maybe it won’t, either way it’s what I believe so :p on you! lol I believe that my Granny visits me in my dreams. I’ve had visits from other family members as well. But my Granny is my only steady visitor.
I had dreams of my Grandpa C, my Mom’s dad, throughout my entire pregnancy with Gavin. This is significant (to me at least) for a few reasons. First, I had never dreamt of him before that time and I have yet to dream of him since Gavin’s birth. Second, Gavin was born the day before my Grandpa C’s birthday. Third, I was working at Staples while pregnant with Gavin and I had a customer come in one day who could have been Grandpa C’s clone. No joke. I looked as if someone had plucked this man straight out of a picture I’ve seen of my Grandpa. Every where I turned during that pregnancy, my Grandpa C was there. Again, this has not happened since.
The last visit from my Granny I remember vividly was just after Elliott Richard was born. I dreamt the family had a big cookout/reunion (something her side of the family has every summer for the 4th). At that reunion I was able to introduce her to the great-grandson she had never had the chance to meet (on Earth anyway). She was able to hold him and kiss him. And I felt better having had that opportunity. (Writing this is causing me to get all teary eyed.)
My Granny was a huge influence on my life growing up. I was convinced that the sun rose and set with her. She was only about 5 feet tall but her personality was so much larger! She loved life. She was creative and compassionate. I don’t think she ever missed one of my swim meets or gymnastics meets or major life events, even if they were hours away. I was (and still am to this day) her only grand-daughter.
I am struggling to find words that adequately describe her and the emotions tied to her. All I can say is when she died, I was forever changed. There was honestly a moment when I thought the pain of her death was going to drown me. Someday I still feel like that.
So when I am given the opportunity to “spent some time with her” via my dreams…that marks the beginning of a good morning.
Last night I dreamt of her again. She picked me up and took me shopping for things I would need and want while on bed rest. She bought me gobs of snacks, some slippers that looked like tennis shoes (I used to have some of these but I wore them out.) and a bunch of puzzles and doo-dads to help keep me busy. Then she took my mom and I out to lunch. We all sat around the table and chatted up a storm while we ate. When we were finished Tiny was going crazy, just moving and grooving like mad. Which gave me the opportunity to have my Granny feel the movement. I woke up feeling much better and at peace with everything. The funk was gone.
I miss my Granny, every day. But I miss her most during major life moments such as these.
18 down ~ 117 to go