Today is a day of processing…

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I’ve been thinking a lot today. Let’s face it, there’s not much more for me to do anymore. Plus when I have to take my migraine meds, well, they tend to get me thinking and feeling chatty. I don’t know why. Anywho…While I’ve been thinking I’ve been trying to process some Tiny related stuff.

I am 23 weeks and 1 day pregnant. My pregnancy is considered a “high risk” pregnancy. That means the risk to myself and Tiny is greater than found in a “typical” pregnancy. I am currently considered in preterm labor. I am on medications and bed rest to try and fight the preterm labor and allow me to make it full term. It is questionable as to whether or not I will make it full term. Here are an estimates of Tiny’s chances for survival:

23 weeks ~ 17% (10% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
24 weeks ~ 44% (40% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
25 weeks ~ 61% (50% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
26 weeks ~ 72% (60% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
27 weeks ~ 72% (70% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
28 weeks ~ 85% (80% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
29 weeks ~ 88% (90% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
30+ weeks ~ >94% (100% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)

So if I were to give birth to Tiny tomorrow there would be a 17% chance of survival. That means there is a 83% chance that Tiny will not live. Also they wouldn’t use heroic measures because the age of viability is 24 weeks in the state of Ohio. Although I just did a bit of research and found that in the state of Ohio the age of viability is actually 20 weeks although this is not often the “practiced” age, meaning that technically they can sometimes assist a fetus in survival at 20 weeks but the odds are less than 1% depending on the size and weight of the fetus at birth.

There seems to be some confusion among family and friends as to the exact nature of our current situation. Allow me to try and clear that confusion up.

My pregnancy is a gift from God and a blessing, I have no doubt of this. However, my pregnancy is also in a constant state of…shall we say crisis. At any given moment the medications could stop working and my preterm labor could reach a point where it can’t be stopped. At 23 weeks it’s, unfortunately, all but guaranteed that Tiny will not survive. And if Tiny did survive, survival isn’t any kind of promise of a quality of life.

Some feel we are being overly cautious or “making a big deal out of nothing”. I assure you, that is not the case. I may be in a state of “constant vigilance” but that is simply because I am currently the only one who can speak as Tiny’s advocate. No one else knows exactly what is going on physically with us. And I tend to feel that it’s better to be safe than sorry. I would much rather find out I have an infection or what have you before hearing that I’m in preterm labor or my water has broken. However, I would never forgive myself if I didn’t go and get these things checked out, only to discover later that I was right and we lost Tiny because I didn’t speak up.