I thought we had already hit rock bottom a long time ago but I guess we were wrong. About 8 or 9 months ago Gavin was really out of control. He had become “dangerous” for lack of a better word. He was hearing voices and interacting with people and things that were not there. He was talking about death and killing things all the time and that was very concerning. We would wake up in the middle of the night and find him “watching us sleep”.
Elliott was still very little at the time and we were advised to lock the three of us in our room at night. We had motion sensors to monitor Gavin’s movements during the night. We weren’t sure if the voices (if they were even voices) were telling him to do bad things. He had also begun lashing out at everyone, including Elliott. He would hit himself, bang his head into the wall or floor and kick anything he could when he got angry (which was quite often). He would leave bruises where he hit himself and even gave himself a black eye. He was really struggling to keep his feet on the ground. We had run out of options and it was recommended we seek inpatient treatment for him. It was the only way to ensure his safety as well as our own. That was one of the darkest, scariest moments of our lives. Hearing that there is nothing left you can do for your child but send him away is horrible. Lizze and I cried for along time. We felt like complete failures as parents. We made ourselves physically ill trying to figure out what we did wrong and what we could do better in order to avoid sending him away. Maybe if we tried just harder we could help him more. It tooks some time but we finally resigned to the fact that it is in his best interest to send him.
Then through the grace of God and his AMAZING doctors we were able to pull him through it. We finally had a light at the end of the tunnel. What we have been seeing since then are autistic related things. These were just as exhausting and overwhelming as the others but in a different way. We were no longer fearing for our safety….
However, for the past few months he has been taking a turn for the worse. Most recently in the past few weeks he has really begun to spiral out of control. His play is becoming more violent and usually revolves around dead people or people getting killed, although not by him. Today we got a letter from his teacher letting us know about what they are seeing from him during the day. They are seeing this same trend also. He is once again interacting with people and things that aren’t there. They are having a VERY difficult time keeping him on task. He seems unable to remember anything anymore. He can’t sit still and is constantly rocking his chair, running in place or just throwing himself around. He is becoming aggressive with Elliott (but usually not intentionally if that makes any sense). Lizze and I are at a loss as to what to do. We are so completely overwhelmed already and we are terrified that we are going back down that same road again. We have an appointment in the morning with Dr. R and will hopefully have some direction after that. In the mean time please keep Gavin and the rest of us in your prayers. He is a really great kid and we desperately want to help him in whatever way we can. Your continued thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated.
Lizze and I have found that keeping this blog is very therapeutic.
Thanks again to all of you for stopping by and taking the time to read this. We love seeing new dots on the map 🙂 It helps us not to feel so alone…….