Okay, so I had my vent. I got it all out, which was good because then I wasn’t carrying it around inside. If you read it, thank you. If didn’t, that’s fine too. Here is what transpired after that…release.
I took a bath. I played with Elliott Richard and he made me laugh so hard I cried. A completely different cry from the hours preceding the play date. It felt wonderful. Then we cuddled and I took him to bed. While he was falling asleep, he kept reaching up and throwing his arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. Again, I cried. (Hey, I am pregnant after all! lol) Then I decided. I can’t change this. I can’t fix it. Only God can, not me. So I prayed.
I’ve been praying a lot lately but it’s mainly been “please bless and keep so-an-so” and “please keep and protect us”. That sort of thing. Well, last night, I changed my tune a bit. I took a page from some of my new-found “everyday heroes” blogs. I turned it over to God. I asked him (okay, fine! At times I downright begged him…) to keep and protect my little Ladybug. I gave it over to him and I asked for one more miracle.
I feel a little better now about it all. I still cry if I think about it too much. And I spend most of my free time between thoughts praying and turning my little Ladybug over to God. But just like the little voice in my head (not to be confused with the bad voices people hear) yesterday, “If he leads me to it, he’ll lead me through it”. So, I’m just going to pray like mad and hold tight because it looks as if it’s going to be a pretty bumpy ride.
Now there is a chance, that the band isn’t there at all. There’s a chance my little Ladybug was laying funny. Rob and I talked about it all last night. He kept asking, “Do you trust Dr. D?” and I do. He got me and Elliott Richard through alive and healthy. He’s never steered me wrong. He is doing the extra ultrasounds because this is something we need to monitor. But he’s also doing the extra ultrasounds because there is a chance we will see my little Ladybug on Jan. 29th and the band will not be there. I had an ultrasound done at 6 weeks and apparently if I had the bands they should have been starting to show up then. But my ultrasound was clean. And his ultrasound tech, Barb, is amazing! So I trust them. I recognize the fact that this is a possibility. But I also recognize the possibility that the ER was wrong.
That being said, if you pray or talk to God or whatever you call it, please pray for us. Pray that our little Ladybug stays put for another 6.5-7 months. Pray that Rob and I are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at us. Pray that the band breaks (or was never there at all). Pray that our wonderful boys continue to grow and thrive (as much as they can). Pray that Rob and I continue to stay strong and turn to each other during this roller coaster ride that is life. Or simply pray for the little things, a good nights sleep, a relaxing bath, good friends, supportive family.
If you are praying for us, thank you. If you are thinking of us, thank you. If you love and support us, please leave us a comment and tell us so. It’s nice to know but sometimes it helps to read it also. 🙂 And please know that I love each and every one of you. Only my nearest and dearest have access to my blog, so if you can read this, please know that you are loved. Even if I don’t tell you as much as I should.